He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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