this beer tastes like vomit already
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I have post one night stand depression
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