What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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