the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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