So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
