Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She's JV to your varsity
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
