By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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