are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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