i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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