I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
