I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
