I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
