my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
