dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
