i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am one with the molecules
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
