wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
