I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
