sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
