So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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