i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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