sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Someone shattered a urinal.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
