i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
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Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
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I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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