I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
