if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
