I accidentally burped into my bong.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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