who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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