You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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