i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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