It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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