You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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