My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
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I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
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I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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