Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
