I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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