$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
