He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I believe in your delicious
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
