You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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