just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
