do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
