Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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