my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
