No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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