I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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