you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize