piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
