I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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