I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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