If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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