Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
