ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
