I seem to have left my pride at pride
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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