goodnight i made you a song goodbye
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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