What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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