I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
