You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
