Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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