Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
