we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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