She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
