nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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