every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
