What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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