He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
