"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
