did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
