My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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