like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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