i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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