so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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