JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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