I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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