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i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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