Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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