she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
